Drop And Give Me '50 Goals!
Don’t go gently into the good night of retirement. Hire A coach - and make the most of your second "career."
By Elizabeth Pope
Like Many CEOs, Tomasz Schellenberg clocked 50- to 60-hour workweeks. “My life centered on my desk and my,” says Schellenberg, 53, a single parent in Sudbury, Massachusetts. “ I love to windsurf, ski, play tennis, travel, but I had no time.”
So four years ago, Shellenberg sold his IT temporary staffing company, Adept, Inc. to TMPW, the owner of Monster, and he had all the time he wanted Too much time, in fact. He didn't how what to do with it. I’d worked all my life and suddenly there was this huge hole in it,”-he says. 1 was very anxious."
Coach Yourself |
Coaching isn’t the only tool available to perplexed midlifers. Grass-roots self-help groups, like Transition Network in New York, are popping up, says Marc Freedman, head of Civic Ventures, a nonprofit that encourages older Americans to remain actiuve citizens. “The 800 members of the Transition Network were the first women to enter professional jobs 40 years ago. Now they are pioneers yet again, turning to each other for guidance in this new phase of life.” Peer groups of 12 to 15 women meet regularly to discuss finances, time management, volunteering, and other retirement issues. “I was clueless about if and how I was going to make a transition from running my own business,” says Gail Rentsch, a New York City book publicist. “Talking with these thoughtful, dynamic women gave me the courage to close my agency, let longtime staff go, and set up a home office.” Now Rentsch one takes on projects that excite her. For other self-help groups, check www.civivventures.org, where you’ll find Next Chapter, a state-by-state list of links to community centers, colleges, and public libraries that serve as one-stop information resources for 50-plus adults. Many universities and colleges also offer skills assessments, workshops, and advice on retirement issues. Other resources: Too Young to Retire, by Marika and Howard Stone, offers inventive advice on lifelong learning, self employment, and volunteering. Retire Smart, Retire Happy, by psychologist Nancy K. Schlossberg, looks at psychological and emotional adjustments necessary in retirement. |
At a friend's suggestion, Schellenberg called Richard Haid, a self-described “adult mentor" in Hamilton. Ohio, who coaches retiring CEOs and small-business owners via online and phone consultations. Through weekly sessions with his coach – plus homework assignments and Haid's gentle prodding - Schellenberg devised a plan to turn vague desires into concrete actions. Dick led me through a number of exercises to help me rediscover my passions,” Schellenberg says. “Then it was a question of being clear about goals and aligning my behavior with my values.”
Schellenberg's number-one priority was his family. With Haid's help, he devised a list of family-oriented activities: volunteering in his children’s schools as a room parent and advisory board member, organizing a reunion with relatives from his native Poland, and producing a video about his uncle and father. Then, to make use of his business background, Schellenberg decided to serve as a mentor to former colleagues. “I’m busy doing worthwhile. meaningful things,” he says. “I’m just not paid for them.”
Why couldn’t a talented CEO puzzle this out alone? Leaving a career means leaving behind friends, colleagues, personal identity, status, and daily routines. A smorgasbord of follow-your-dream options can fill those empty hours – phased retirement, part-time work, volunteering, lifelong learning – but many new retirees are stymied by their choices. Schellenberg believes he would have come up with his own plans, but only after years of soul searching. “I needed a sounding board,” he says. “I could have done this on my own, but it would have taken three years, not six months, and a lot of fumbling.
Haid and other retirement experts hope to make lifestyle planning as common as financial planning for the nation's 76 million baby boomers on the verge of retiring. “Most people in the third quarter of life have done a lot of worrying and talking to people, but they haven't done any assessment says Haid, the former head a 115-year-old family insurance agency. Without a plan, too many retirees devote their time to television and housework. he adds. “Or it's golf, golf, golf, or travel, travel, travel," he says. “But being so busy is not the same as living significantly.”
White no one tracks the number of retirement coaches, there are indications that the specialization is attracting proponents. In the last two years, Retirement Options, a company that instructs and certifies retirement coaches has trained 350 people worldwide via teleclasses. “That's a 250 percent increase in both revenue and coaches trained in 2003: says managing director Justin Johnson. “This year we're on pace for more than 100 percent growth.”
One reason for that growth may be that it's not as simple as it once was to seek help from traditional sources- -family and friends - for hand-holding, cheerleading and counseling. In our mobile society, Grandma no longer lives next door, says Alexandra Mezey, owner of Life Clarity Coaching in Newburyport. Massachusetts. “Besides, family members aren't trained,” says Mezey, a licensed clinical social worker. Tm trained to listen deeply and ask powerful questions, and then reflect back some of what I'm hearing."
After 25 years teaching middle school, Nancy Sullivan was burned out but afraid to retire early and take a pension cut She hired Mezey to coach her through the internal debate. “I saw the value in being able to bounce ideas off someone nonjudgmental,” Sullivan says. “You say things to a coach about your hopes, dreams and fears that you wouldn’t say to a friend or family member.”
Like many personal coaches. Mezey offered Sullivan a 30-minute complimentary sesison to see if the two clicked, and then charged a monthly retainer for once-a-week phone calls. “This isn’t therapy,” saysMezey. “The client sets the agenda. My role is to help clarify and prioritize goals, and create the life you want to live.”
Meeting your match |
Intrigued by the possibilities of being coached into retirement? Here’s where to start looking. Retirement Options (www.retirement options.com, 214-378-1004) trains and certifies retirement coaches. International Coach Federation (www.coachfederation.org, 888-423-3131) offers a referral service , and it’s website is full of information about training and credentials. Coaches Richard Haid (www.adultmentor.com) and Alexandra Mezey (www.lifeclaritycoaching.com) have experience working with new or soon-to-be retirees. Coaching is unlicensed and unregulated, so clients should ask prospective coaches about their training, credentials and appropriate experience. Make sure your prospective coach will help you identify specific goals and hold you accountable for results. |
Sullivan’s first assignment was to read William Bridges’ books on transition. (“He’s the guru,” says Mesey.) A former Peace Corps volunteer in Brazil, Sullivan was inclined to “do something international,” but what? Mezey helped her forge a goal – helping refugee women and their families adjust to life in the U.S. “I actually wrote that on an index card and put it where I could see it,” Sullivan says. “It was a simple thing, but it helped.”
Sullivan glows when she talks about her new job teaching English to Somali/Bantu families, helping them settle in Boston after years in the African dessert. “This is what I’m really about,” she says. “I’m so happy and proud I took the leap.” And the money the lessons bring in helps ease the financial pinch of early retirement.
Most people work with coaches for three to six months, but some find the relationship so rewarding they continue. Schellenberg, the former CEO, still writes weekly reports for Haid, his coach. I'm held accountable,” he says. “It gives me deadlines and deliverables and lends clarity to what I do. When people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them I live my life on my own terms.”